


He Sobbed. He Broke. He Bled.

by Katitty



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death, Pain, and death, i am satan, so much pain, there is pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 22:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6725425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katitty/pseuds/Katitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec's feelings towards Jace choosing Valentine. And what would happen if Jace took Sebastian's place I guess. It's painful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Sobbed. He Broke. He Bled.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Malec Trash Squad](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Malec+Trash+Squad).



> If there are any spelling mistakes please tell me. I'm so sorry.

He lost his breath as they embraced. he watched as she cried, he watched as Clary sobbed into her mother's shoulder. 

The memory of meeting Jace for the first time flashed in front of him. 

He remembered he had glared at him, this stranger who had entered his home and taken his mothers love. This broken boy who had become a part of Alec’s mind, body and soul. He had walked away in anger that day.

His eyes found the place Jace had stood, stiff as stone, glaring at the floor as Alec glared at him. And he walked away from the image again.

\- - -

The Institute felt empty without him.

It had been weeks, just over a month, but if felt like years. Maybe it only felt like that to Alec though. The others couldn’t feel the constant tugging of his gut, the constant weight on his body. No one else needed Jace like Alec. No other person became half a man when Jace wasn’t around.

Just Alec.

Sure, everyone was sad and worried, everyone was confused and angry. But none of them were slowly, painfully, brutally losing their parabatai.

Alec was losing Jace. Losing him in a way no other person was. 

Jace, who thought garlic and cheese on toast was comfort food.

Jace, who helped Alec train in the weapons room at midnight when his father told him he wasn’t good enough to fight yet.

Jace, who sat on the stairs of the Institute every day for a week after he came.

Jace, who said his first words as a Lightwood to Alec. ‘Could you teach me that?’

Jace, who crawled into bed with Alec that night.

Jace, who’s wide, scared eyes burned a hole into Alec’s soul, just big enough for him to fit.

Jace, who whispered, ‘tell me a story,’ into almost darkness.

Jace, who could never, never, EVER, be a bad person.

\- - -

Jace, who stood before him, holding Max between them, a seraph blade in hand and a blank stare. 

‘Jace please. Jace...I’m not going to fight you. I can’t fight you.You’re my parabatai. Please.’

‘Was. I was your parabatai. I’m not anymore.’

Alec’s breath hitched and his voice crumbled. ‘You will always be my parabatai. Jace we’re family, we’re brothers.’ 

Jace shook his head, and Alec’s heart broke, a million little pieces shattering into a million more little pieces. ‘Please.’

‘I have to do this.’

His mind raced. 

The bond with Jace, the bond that ran through his veins, the bond that sat deep in his soul, the bond that resided in the hole Jace had dug out, the parabatai bond chanted, ‘Jace. Jace. Jace. Jace.’

But his heart, his mind, his everything else screamed, ‘Max.’ 

Jace’s hand moved, pulled back, ready to drive the blade forward, and it did. It drove forward, closer and closer to his little brothers chest. 

But Alec had always been faster.

His blade was embedded in his parabatai before he told his body to move, and suddenly everything was breaking. 

If he thought he knew pain before, if he thought losing Jace was the most excruciating thing to happen to him, he was wrong.

The worst pain, the most horrifying thing that Alec had ever seen, ever felt, was Jace.

Jace, who’s knees buckled and gave out, who feel forward onto Alec’s shoulder, sobbing.

Jace, who pulled a bloody hand from between them, who rested it on Alec’s cheek, who pulled back to look at him again.

Jace, who whispered so brokenly, so gently, so painfully, ‘I’m so sorry.’

Jace, who cupped the back of Alec’s neck, who glanced down between them, who exhaled at the sight of the seraph blade in his torso. 

Jace, who whimpered a soft, ‘I never deserved you.’ Who whispered a heartbreaking ‘thank you’ against Alec’s shoulder. 

Jace was the most painful thing to happen to Alec. 

Jace was the one thing Alec was never going to survive.

\- - -

Jace went limp, and Alec heard the sound of feet slamming against the ground. He didn’t need to turn to know it was Max, running for help, running to hide. He hoped it was to hide.

Alec held his parabatai. Alec pulled him close, Alec sobbed into his hair, Alec felt like there was a seraph blade in his stomach. 

He slowly pulled his weapon out of his brother, he dropped it and followed suit. His entire body crumbling, clutching at Jace as he sank to the floor. 

‘It’s okay,’ he whispered against blond hair, ‘you’re okay. You’re good.’

He sobbed. 

He broke.

He bled.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. It wasn't meant to be like this. I swear.


End file.
